Today is the 2nd month since my mom passed away. It has been a lot harder than I thought it would be. I’m not entirely sure what I expected, to be honest.

It seemed like everything today upset me. Music, videos, thoughts. Even work was stressful. Ultimately, I took off the rest of the day from work because it was simply impossible to focus. All I could do was think of everything I missed about her. Everything I would tell her and enthuse about with her.

Hell, even this vacation has been stressful. Not only had I spoken with her a lot about the trip, I was alone a good portion of the day while my friend was at work. I probably could have mitigated that a good amount but I guess I never thought it would be a problem.

Last night, I even had a dream that I was talking to her. I got to tell her all about this trip and about how beautiful her own memorial was. As I mentioned previously, I don’t really believe in a god, but maybe the universe really does work in mysterious ways. More than likely the brain is just weird when dealing with such a huge loss.

Regardless, I will be glad to be done with this day. I am returning home tomorrow and that will be sort of great since it will be nice to get back into a routine of sorts.

I guess for each month that passes the day will get slowly less bad. The emotions will slowly be tempered and eventually I will simply live with it and it won’t be so disruptive.